


14x08 Coda

by xxenjoy



Series: Codas [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon verse, First Kiss, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, spoilers up to 14x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 19:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16918584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy





	14x08 Coda

Sam calls it first, flipping his cup upside down and pushing it into the middle of the table. He slips away silently - unsurprisingly considering the circumstance. The past half hour (two?) may have been spent recalling the good memories, but the truth is they all lost a son tonight. Sam tried so hard too, and Dean can understand why he taps out so early. 

Cas, on the other hand, Cas stays, and now that they're alone, Dean can feel every fiber of his being reaching out to him. He wants assurance, he wants compassion, and most of all he wants the comfort that he always gets from Cas in situations like this only this time Cas is suffering too and Dean's not nearly as good at comforting as Cas is. 

There's been no word from Mom yet, either, so he's still got that bouncing around in the back of his mind. He doesn't know how she'll react when she gets back - how anyone will react, really - and he's not sure he's prepared to deal with that, not on his own. The last few days have been a mess and he just wants things to go back to normal - the new normal, anyway - but Jack's gone now and as far as they know, there's nothing they can do to save him. 

Now that Sam is gone, it's quieter and Dean has too much to think about; he doesn't like it, but he doesn't want to burden Cas with the extra stress of sharing his thoughts and he doesn't know what else he would say. Cas gets up and Dean expects him to head off back to bed, but he doesn't; instead, Cas goes back to the cupboard and comes back with another bottle. Dean's still working on the glass in front of him, but it takes a lot more to affect Cas at all - they've only seen him drunk once with his grace fully intact, and that took an entire liquor store. 

Maybe today isn't an apocalypse, but it's worse; on a grand scale no one cares, hell, no one knows that Jack is gone, but to them - to their little family, there's nothing that can fill this hole. 

Cas finishes his whiskey and sets the bottle down. This is it, he's leaving now, leaving Dean to sit alone in the kitchen and drink himself to sleep. Dean's not quite ready for this night to end; something about this has been different and he likes the dynamic tonight. Cas has been more open tonight - more human, and if Dean's honest, he kind of likes him best this way. 

When he gets up from the table, Dean resists the urge to grab his wrist and bring him back. Cas claps him on the shoulder and there's a split second of hesitation before he continues on out into the hall. Dean savours that second but like everything, it's gone too soon and he's left alone with his thoughts. As miserable as he is, his mind drifts away from the events of the day and pinpoints on the last ten seconds and the fading heat from Cas' hand on his shoulder. 

He wants so badly to drown himself in whiskey but Cas' exit feels more like an invitation to something more. Dean pours out a final drink to Jack, downing it quicker than he probably should, and he pushes himself up from the table. 

The walk to his bedroom takes longer than usual and maybe it's just the whiskey, but there's a nagging voice in the back of his head that says keep going. So he does. He passes by his own bedroom without so much as a thought and even though he hesitates passing Jack's room, it doesn't stop him from continuing on. What does finally stop him, is when he reaches Cas' room; it's quiet inside, but he can hear Cas moving around and Dean just wants to be near him. 

Before he realizes what he's doing, he's knocking on the door and when Cas pulls it open, Dean's heart is pounding so fast he can't focus. Cas incites him in and Dean goes instinctively, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. His palms are clammy and despite his best efforts not to think about what he's doing here right now, tonight of all night, he's more conscious of it than before. 

Cas shuts the door quietly and when he comes to stand in front of Dean, his breathing is slow and steady, unlike Dean's. He shifts to stand between Dean's knees and Dean reaches up, curling his fingers around the clasp on Cas' sleeve. Neither of them speaks, but Cas shrugs his coat back off his shoulders and presses Dean down against the mattress. Cas' body above his own leaves little space for Dean to do anything but shuffle back and let Cas climb over him. 

There's a struggle to get each other out of their clothes but when they're naked against each other, Dean's mind goes blank to anything but Cas' touch. They move together easily despite never having been like this before; with others, sure, though Dean doesn't like to think about that too often. With each other, though, this is new. 

It helps though, to pour all his hurt and devastation into something else, to turn it into something positive. He tells Cas he loves him - he doesn't mean to, but once he says it, he can't stop, echoing over and over again between kisses and desperate breaths. Cas says it back and Dean can barely believe it. This is something he needs; maybe even something he deserves, and after the day they've both had, there's nothing keeping them from taking it. Jack is something they shared together, and coming together like this feels like a way of honouring that somehow. 

Afterward, Cas sleeps. It's uncommon; Dean's not an expert but he knows Cas doesn't sleep - even when he was human, one of the few times they shared a bed before, Cas never slept. That night, Dean did sleep, but tonight he lies awake because they lost something that feels too much to cope with, too big to think directly about lest they all crumble under the weight of it. They lost a son. 

He reminds himself that in the coming days, weeks - however long it takes to get him back - they have to be a little more patient with each other. None of them have been through this before and it'll take time to figure it out. Dean, at least, has Cas to fall back on but Sam is on his own. 

For a long while, Dean lies awake, staring up at the ceiling. Jack was with them for such a short time, and no he doesn't know how they're going to work things without him. He's only pulled from his thoughts when Cas' arm curling around his hips and pulling him close. 

Dean lets himself be pulled in, he lets Cas curl around him and breathe gently in his ear because all of this is different and none of them know how to cope.


End file.
